The World's Greatest (Mainstream Superhero) Graphic Novel Ever!

You can talk about your Dark Knights and Blackmarks all you want. (Personally, I lay the blame the suck-titude of modern comics at the feet of the Dark Knight.) You can look at Buzzfeed's list of the superhero graphic novels you absolutely must read right now! (One of which is a compendium of nu52 faux Wonder Woman. As if!) You can point out that the book we're about to talk about wasn't quite the world's first graphic novel, though the cover claims it is. Other ones had come before, often utilizing reprinted material.

But the greatest superhero graphic novel of them all was Action Comics #360 (80-Page Giant #G-45). Correct me if I'm wrong, but this was the FIRST graphic novel starring a mainstream superhero!

Mar.-Apr. 1968. Author: Jerry Siegel. Artist: Jim Mooney. Editor: Mort Weisinger. Fabulous cover art: Curt Swan and George Klein.

The book was the epitome of the child-friendly, charming/crazy Silver Age. Within its (now torn with re-reading) covers lay the story of how Superman's young cousin, Supergirl, was finally deemed ready to go public.

For years since Supes had uncaringly dumped the frightened, orphaned youngster at an orphanage in a strange land, Supergirl, aka Kara Zor-El, aka Linda Lee, had been learning her new powers and operating as Superman's "secret weapon." We readers had been fascinated by the chutzpah she displayed with her fledgling career.

She had robots of her own, just like her cuz, and had a super cat, Streaky, to balance his having Krypto the super-dog. (Shortly thereafter she'd acquire Comet the Super-horse, who was a little more than just a pet.) (Hey! You stop thinking that! I'm saying that every now and then he turned into a human man, who romanced Sgirl.)

Our cover gives away the plot points that lie within, showing that Kara's going to go through several milestones before the climactic ending, in which she's presented to the world with accolades. Bad cover, for giving away the ending! Naughty!

The book begins with Kara in her secret ID of Linda Lee, performing a quick super-save and then fretting that she's been spotted. But it's only Krypto, who leads her to Superman, who has a big communications/teleportation station set up on a deserted coastline. (No, I don't know why he doesn't use his Fortress, other than that Supergirl will need the ocean nearby soon.)

He shows Kara a video he's going to broadcast to the world about her and her exploits... just as soon as he returns from this other-dimensional place he has to teleport to. But immediately afterward, a convenient cloud of convenient kryptonite conveniently wraps around Earth. Kara's too weak to fly off, but dives into the ocean, where she's pulled into safe depths (so water can shield green K rays? I don't think so!) by Jerro, the teen-aged merman from Atlantis, whom Kara has a crush on.

The people of Atlantis relay a warning that surface criminals have learned of the kryptonite cloud, guessed that this will keep Superman out of action, and have thus launched crime waves. Supergirl spends the rest of the chapter remote-foiling their plots from undersea, knowing that her actions will be attributed to Superman.

After she has done this, the K-cloud conveniently disperses, Superman returns, and the Big Reveal is ticking down.

But Supergirl's lost her powers.

Superman determines that this is a permanent effect of some kind, and quickly dumps Kara back at the orphanage, claiming that he'll do EVERYTHING he can to return her powers to her.

Now Kara, I mean Linda, must learn to function as a human.

We soon find out (thank you, panels that introduce characters by having them think their life story and circumstances) that it is Kandorian scientist Lesla-Lar, a double for Supergirl, who has used her science to destroy Kara's powers. She is jealous. We'll come to discover that she wants Supergirl's potential fame for herself as well as powers so she can take over the world. Bwah ha ha.

Meanwhile, Fred and Edna Danvers happen along one day to Midvale Orphanage, spot Linda, and say, "Wrap her up. We'll take her home." Home with them she goes (since she doesn't have to pull her usual trick to make potential parents choose someone else, because they'd just interfere with her Supergirl training), to be adopted and become Linda Lee Danvers. The Danverses don't even have to fill out any forms or go through any background checks, much less learn to know the child before they adopt her. The actual legal adoption seems to go through immediately, too. Ah, what an innocent time.

Really, this is important stuff, especially to us girl readers!

Fred is the one to tell Linda that her pigtails are "strictly kid stuff." This is on her first evening home. What a guy. But Linda is talented and restyles her brown wig into a chic, modern 'do that wore very nicely for years.

As Linda goes to bed that night, Lesla-Lar uses a transporter/shrink ray to bring her to Kandor (to my mind there are problems with a mere human surviving that environment, but it never bothered a bunch of other mere-humans, so I won't mention it), and sets a brain-wash helmet on her head to make her believe she's Lesla-Lar. Then Lesla takes Linda's place in the outer world.

Interestingly enough, young teenager Linda/Kara manages to keep up with the super-genius' workload (though she never notices any evil experiments). And like every Kryptonian criminal EVER, Lesla masters her mammoth new powers instantly.

Super-Kryptonian futuristic-science genius Lesla spies on Fred Danvers' work designing early-style Earth rockets (so THAT's what he did for a living!) so she can steal his ideas. She has superpowers on Earth, so she steals Supergirl's suit and then partners with the jailed Lex Luthor to help him do some nasty stuff. We'll find out later that there's actually a reason for her to do this: she wants him to bear the blame for her bad deeds once her own plan comes to fruition.

But Kara has been monitoring Lesla from Kandor (those nosy Kandorians were always stalking Earth people!) and runs to tell the authorities. Lesla overhears just in time and switches with Linda, who thinks her time in Kandor was just a dream.

On a school trip to the Daily Planet in Metropolis, Linda is drawn aside by Cousin Clark, who tells her that he's going to try just one final time to return her powers to her. Gosh, that guy gives his all, doesn't he? Lesla switches places, so it's to her that Superman reports that his experiment didn't work, so Linda is SOL. But "Linda" has him do some silly stuff with rock dust and his heat vision and inhaling fumes from same, that "cures" her.

Her thoughts betray her plans: she'll have Luthor kill Superman with kryptonite, and then she'll "accidentally" kill Luthor while apprehending him. That will leave her "free to conquer or destroy Earth," as she pleases.

See, if I were her, I'd just have taken away Superman's powers same as I'd done Supergirl's and then... What's that you say? "Shut up"? Well... okay.

But now Superman is all hot to make the Supergirl announcement to the world, but he has to fiddle with some experiment in his fortress first. Krypto joins them in the arctic, and apparently Krypto has no idea what Kara smells like, but recognizes that Lesla uses a different PERFUME than does Kara.

!

Krypto then uses his super-vision to spot Kara in Kandor (she's been hired as an actress on a Supergirl movie being filmed) (how convenient; I mean, ironic!), and Krypto uses some kind of exchange ray — no, really, Krypto aims it, hits the right buttons, etc. — and Kara (in costume from the movie) switches with Lesla-Lar.

Kara immediately loses her balance and bonks her head, creating confusion I suppose. Since Kara doesn't have powers, the grand announcement is nixed. Superman dumps her back home.

Days later, Linda has fun at the beach, catching up with her old friend, Dick Wilson, now adopted as Dick Malverne, who has turned into a hottie. Now she doesn't have to pretend to be weaker than he, and he likes it.

That night, Linda goes to the well at her house to dump her super outfit forever, but she dons it one final time—and discovers she has super powers! Not only super powers, but, as the night goes on and she rescues her cousin, she finds she's invulnerable to green Kryptonite!

Turns out (awp!) that Mr. Mxyzptlk had been puttering around Linda's neighborhood, thought it was hilarious that a girl would wear a super-suit, and magicked her with powers, as well as the anti-green-K spell. Tee hee! He says his name backwards and doesn't stick around to see the crazy results of his spell. ("But this SPECIAL spell won't vanish when I do, as my magic usually does!" he helpfully informs the reader.)

If he can create such an unending spell, why doesn't he do it more often? Right. "Shut up!"

The spell prevents Lesla from undoing Kara's powers again. The Kandorian police arrest her for using "forbidden rays" and destroy her evil lab.

This time Superman's excuse for delaying the announcement is that he has to go into the future to see the Legion of Super-Heroes. While he's gone, Supergirl cleans up the local space area by getting rid of three red Kryptonite meteors. However, Mxy's spell had been specific to green K, so she's affected by the red K, conveniently one at a time.

That's right, kids, this is what germs look like.
(As a child, I thought this bit was super-cool.)

She becomes fat for a little while (not the usual 48 hour effect), then shrinks to microscopic size just in time to battle killer bacteria in Dick Malverne's father's veins, and then becomes a super-mermaid. Again she visits Jerro, to find that a local mermaid has the hots for him, and is heartsick that Kara has his full attention. She runs off and into trouble and Kara saves her, just in time to turn back into a human and bid Jerra adieu, to the wanna-be girlfriend's delight.

On the way back home, Kara has to detour because a falling chunk of green K (man, that stuff was EVERYWHERE!) caused her pain. Superman returns from the future just then, revealing that he'd overshot his time exit and had seen Mxy bespelling Kara. Now that the magic has worn off (for whatever reason), Kara's natural powers have returned.

Superman plans the Big Reveal at 9 that night. (With the on-again, off-again powers of late, I'm surprised he doesn't postpone it to see if Kara will lose her powers again.) The Danverses decide to hit a movie in Metropolis, and Linda goes along since it will kill time. On the way, one of those poorly-constructed Earth-1 bridges collapses under the Danverses' car, and Linda has to leap out and save everyone. Linda says she can't explain, but cousin Kal arrives and tells her it was okay for her to save her parents. What a guy!

He explains Supergirl to the Danverses, giving us a recap of Kara's origins on Argo City, the chunk of old Krypton that survived for years after the main planet's destruction. The Danverses swear to keep Kara's secret ID, she sets up a secret tunnel at home for access, and Superman tears up, recalling his years with the Kents.

But FINALLY it's time for the Big Reveal! It's really milked, but after all these years of waiting, Supergirl fans could really revel in the thrill of it all. We see reactions from people around the world: excitement, jealousy, viewing it as a hoax. Jailed criminals say, "If that young girl captured us, the other cons would never stop razzing us!" and forget about their perfect escape plans.

 

Was this comics' first full-page, non-title-page panel?
Click to see this larger. (Hope that works.)

The Danverses are so proud of their new daughter, but they say nothing to anyone. The UN gives Kara a standing ovation. Kandor puts on a skywriting show in her honor. Atlantis as well as some planets also do all kinds of special events for the occasion.

As Superman goes off into the future again, Supergirl is left alone to guard Earth. Within three panels a dimensional rift opens in the sky and a gigantic red monster falls into the ocean. It has a protective aura that's like a force field, so when Kara tries to stop it, she just bounces off.

She sends a rocket 1000 years into the future (or would that be 1000 years minus the difference between her age and Superman's?) to ask that green-skinned hottie, Brainiac 5, for help.

He sends a ray gun back in time, but the monster stomps on it, destroying it. But Supergirl had examined the gun with her X-ray vision and now reconstructs it at super-speed. The gun shrinks the monster so Kara can pick it up, place it in a bottle in Superman's Fortress, and then forget to feed or water it. Poor lonely thing.

We see the Legion monitoring her, and they now uncover their monument to her that holds the date of the Great Reveal. They hadn't wanted her to know until now.

There are more huzzahs for the heroine: 21-gun salutes, a meeting with the President (Kennedy!) and Jackie not-yet-O. Superman opens a wing of his Fortress for her use.

The story ends with Linda Danvers lounging on her bed, looking forward to her new life as a public hero.

Cool stuff. The issue even has a text page detailing milestones in Supergirl's life, which goes up to her graduation from high school and enrollment at Stanhope College. These events had taken place after the original stories that comprise this book had been published.

So this was an 80-page (or thereabouts) story detailing Kara's progression through several life-changing turning points, culminating in her achieving what she'd worked for years: becoming a successful, public superhero. That she accomplished this with a lot of exciting celebration and a few boyfriends hanging around was just icing on the cake, and made the reading experience that much more unforgettable for her fans!

Original material:

Chapter 1: "The Unknown Supergirl" Action Comics #278

Chapter 2: "Supergirl's Secret Enemy" Action #279

Chapter 3: "Trapped in Kandor" Action #280

Chapter 4: "The Three Red K Perils" Action #283

Chapter 5: "The Super-Mermaid" Action #284

Chapter 6: "The World's Greatest Heroine!" Action #285

Chapter 7: "The Infinite Monster!" Action #285

CONTEST! Enter my contest at Goodreads for a chance to win a print copy of the wacky soft sci fi book, Applesauce and Moonbeams!

Editurz R Grate!

The other day someone asked a group I'm in if we could check out their new book, maybe review it. (Reviews are gold, remember that! If you have 10 reviews computer systems suddenly begin to recognize your book. PR opportunities might allow you to participate.) I went over to Amazon and though the price was low enough that I could see myself ordering the novel, I decided to check out the "Look Inside!" feature before I did so.

Good thing. From the very first sentence, the book was riddled with spelling and grammatical errors. I checked out the blurb: same deal.

That simplifies that. I don't read poorly-edited books.*

Editing is an unsung science. Let me sing about Anselm Audley, who has edited a few of my books this year and, if he can, please please, will continue to edit them. He's reasonably priced and isn't afraid to point out difficult problems. On occasion he'll even throw in a bit of line editing, like when he mentioned that jello is spelled Jell-O. Okay, so in the current wip I'm spelling it jello, but I'm using it in a non-branded form, as opposed to the volume he was editing.

An author will write a book and then rewrite and rewrite and edit and edit and edit. We get caught up in minutiae. Does a character get up from where he was sitting? Was he sitting? Is someone in his way, or does he have a clear path to go where we want him to go? Should we describe the rug he walks on? Is the need to establish the temperature of the room a true one or can we skip that? We know that he's getting up because as a child his teacher made him sit in his desk every day one hour more than all the other students had to. Have we brought that up? Does the reader need to know? Wait—he's suddenly in the other room. Did we forget to show him rising from his seat and walking there? Did we need that scene at all?

An author's creation does not exist entirely in their brain cells. Many times I've read commentary from comic book writers to counter criticism, talking about what they had in mind for a story and why the characters did what they did, etc. But what they had in their heads never made it to the page.

And if it's not on the page, it doesn't exist.

So a good editor will make sure that what's on the page is what belongs there. They'll  correct language usage so as to make things clear to the reader. It all boils down to enabling reader immersion in the story. Our reader cannot be allowed to come out until the final page of the book. All impediments to that must be dealt with.

So it's crazy important to find a good editor.

What kinds of editors are there? For our purposes there are five types: Developmental editor, line editor, copy editor, and proofreader. Whoops, that's four types. The duties range from seeing the book as a big picture with unfolding plot and character arcs, to figuring out just how one spells "minutiae."

This year I've been chasing after a goal: to reprint my existing books, to get my "Three Worlds" superhero fantasy series out up to volume 4, and to use professional editors, etc. in accomplishing all that.

Okay, Volume 4 will come out sometime around March, but that's not for lack of trying.

During too much of this year I had two books going at once: Applesauce and Moonbeams (previously published) and Stalemate, volume 3 of "Three Worlds."

I don't recommend anyone doing two books at once.

Anselm was busy with Stalemate (and getting in a minor accident in France, which left him woozy for some time) (he's much better now, thank you), so I went in search for a good editor for Applesauce. Another writer recommended her editor, who liked dealing with sf. I tried her out on one scene and she did a pretty good job (considering that it was one scene). We agreed on a price and I sent her the manuscript—in chapter chunks, which is what she requested. She did admit that this was an unusual way to operate, but it was how she worked.

Okay then. I was really busy by the time she began to send back chapters, and couldn't get to them immediately. But I wondered: how does an editor send back a manuscript one chapter at a time? I wasn't hiring her to line edit.

A couple days later I forced myself to take the time to read through what she had sent back, which she was doing with increasing quantity. She was already three-quarters of the way through the book.

I let out a squawk when I saw what she was doing. She didn't want a guy to call his girlfriend "baby," because that was demeaning. She didn't want the computers referred to as "puters" because that was tech-talk and readers wouldn't understand it even well within context.

I asked her why she was eliminating all my punch lines, especially the big one at the midpoint. "There are funny moments, but this is a serious, dystopian story," she replied.

Right. With pampered, telepathic cats, the terrifying fashion police... She said I couldn't come out to state that guns are bad because I'd insult many readers. Why didn't she stick around and put this statement together with that same character starting to buy guns, train with them, and rely on them for safety? She couldn't get that because she was taking this chapter by chapter, and not reading the whole thing through first to see where the plot and various characters' arcs were going.

At this point I fired her and only had to pay her for what she'd done, which really was quite unusable. Sigh. If I'd just read her stuff when it first came through I could have stopped her before she hit $100...

So I tried a service that had a staff of freelance editors. They were much more expensive, but by now I was desperate. I wanted this book out SOON. So I auditioned an enthusiastic editor, this one using an entire chapter to work on, and was pleased with what I got. He even had a very professional contract for me to sign.

However...

Once again I didn't have time to look over his work when it first came through, but I did see that he'd sent the entire manuscript back in one piece. Yay.

But after I read through it all, there was only one thing I could change in the book: he corrected the spelling (I had not hired him as a line editor) on one word, and after I did some research, I discovered he was correct about it. In eight years the spelling will have changed to what I used, but at this particular moment in time, the old-fashioned spelling is the preferred one.

Other than that, his editing seemed the work of a high school student or perhaps college freshman majoring in English. He stated what he liked about the book, didn't have ANYTHING bad or constructive to say, and quoted a lot from Steven King's On Writing, which I have indeed read. (Along with a ton of other writing books.)

At the end he gave me a summary letter that said that now that he'd done his job, I should begin thinking about constructing a theme for the book. Also, I might be interested in line edits and other things his service offered. This did not seem like a summary to me; instead, it seemed like an ad.

I wrote him (and his service) back, demanding a refund. I referred to two big questions that I had posed concerning my books, clearly stated in our correspondence before he began. He had not addressed either issue in any fashion.

"That's because I had no problem with them," he replied.

I pointed out that my book's theme was blatant enough to hit over the readers' heads and leave a mark. Why did he think the book didn't have a theme?

"Well, I put in that point for other writers."

So it was some form response he'd sent me, disguised as a "summary." Again I demanded my money back. He counter-offered with free services, but I assured him that those services would likely be on the same elementary level as his editing, so I wanted nothing to do with them.

Eventually he gave me 3/8 of his fee back. Still I feel entirely ripped off.

Certainly I won't be returning to either of these two so-called editors/services. I can't figure why my acquaintance would be so satisfied with the first editor, since she was so awful.

The conclusion (dare I say "summary?") of all this is: If you find a good or even great editor, cherish them! And keep them to yourself, lest others steal their editing time!

Yes, despite these editing problems, the book has come out! As of yesterday, ALL versions are available, although some sites may take a while to post the print version. It's up on Amazon. Check out the different places you can find it. It's $3.99 for ebook, $11.99 for print. On Smashwords you can download a significant percentage of the book to make sure it's what you'd like to buy. I think you'd enjoy it, but I may be predjudiced. Prejudiced.

---
*I've read too many manuscripts from wanna-be authors (and even published authors) that make it clear that they don't have a handle on basic English. An author (1) must have an entertaining story to tell and (2) must have the tools to tell it clearly. Today there are community colleges everywhere—even online—in which a wannabe can enroll for a few semesters and reacquaint themselves with proper English usage. If they have someone who will translate their story to proper written English, they can skip this step. But if not, they shouldn't rely on putting their words in the hands of an editor, even a good one, to make things right. Writers have a responsibility to get the basics (mostly) right in the first place.

Wonder Woman's Rogues Gallery

The Top Ten

Too many people (some of whom are DC staffers) claim that Wondie doesn’t have a true rogues gallery, or that the one she has isn’t very impressive. I disagree. Here are the best of her recurring foes, making up a notable menace of international scope:

10. Baroness Paula von Gunther. First appearance: Wonder Woman (first series) #4.The baroness gets a significant part to play in WW canon as she was a major early character, a Nazi mastermind who constantly battled Wondie. In fact, the first TV WW episode starred the baroness (and is one of the few episodes I find really enjoyable).

Paula von Gunther rises from mere Nazi über-agent to be the first criminal that WW REFORMED. Yes, it would have meant more if it hadn’t turned out that Paula was doing all this horrible stuff only because the Nazis were holding hostage her daughter, Gerta. Diana got Gerta back and Paula quickly adopted the Loving Submission that the early book loved to preach, and joined the Amazons.

After that, Paula became not only Diana’s friend but the inventor of all kinds of cool Amazon gadgets. In the Sixties it was explained that she was the one who adapted the Purple Ray to give Donna Troy her Wonder Girl powers.

So she doesn’t really make that great a villain now, but boy, was she back then! And mark her as being German (or thereabouts) in nationality.

So for her replacement let’s add an unrepentant number…

10. Dr. Poison. One of many villains in WW’s rogues gallery who hold doctorates, Dr. P’s first appearance came in Sensation Comics (first series) #2.

As part of her sadistic medical arsenal, Dr. P brandishes needles and viruses and scalpels—all things to make one’s skin crawl. Literally. Dr. P hasn’t been seen that much in the pages of WW, but her appearances have been memorable ones, accented by her ghastly grin (that looks nothing like Joker’s, thank goodness) and propensity to wear mannish lab coats. In this day of pandemic scares, Dr. Poison’s threat is terrifying.

Dr. Poison, both original grandmother and modern granddaughter, are Japanese.

9. Angle Man. First appearance: Wonder Woman (first series) #62. Yet when I speak of Angle Man as a fitting top-level member of Wondie’s rogues gallery, it is the suave and stylish Phil Jimenez version I speak of, and ONLY he. The others were churlish (and boring) wanna-bes and frauds (and the real AM most assuredly dealt with them once he found them). Angelo Bend made his first appearance in Wonder Woman (second series) #179.

The best villains contain layers of characterization, and this AM seemed to seesaw between good and evil. (What’s his angle?) He was infatuated with Donna Troy as well, which likely would need to be switched to Wondie if she and he return, since this is a discussion of Wondie's rogues, not Donna Troy's.

At some modern point it’s been established that the Angle tool that Angelo uses is something he supposedly stole from Darkseid. Now, THAT must be some story! (Or is it a lie?) The angle can twist gravity, light, space, dimensions, and on rare occasion, time. I wonder if Angelo has full control over it?

I once gushed that AM was interesting in this incarnation because he was gay, or mostly so. Phil J. responded that Angelo was not gay; rather, he was European. To this day, this remains one of the funniest lines I’ve ever heard, but Phil was perfectly serious.

Add to AM’s appeal that he’s Italian. And a shade or two darker-skinned than most of the other WW villains. Variety is always welcome!

8. Silver Swan. First appearance: Wonder Woman (first series) #288, and we’ll stick with 85% of that version if we're bringing her back. Ordinarily I’d give a disdainful sniff in her direction. I’ve never liked her because of her motivation. This is a feminist comic (or it’s supposed to be), and for a major female character to have her entire life revolving around her looks is just kind of demeaning to women.

In SS’s case, the sickness propelled her into becoming the Swan. I prefer the first Swan’s origin because she starts out not that bad-looking, but wants more, and this signifies greed: a good basis for a villain. The second Swan truly needed to be cosmetically enhanced, so the reader could feel pity for her and cheer when she eventually reformed. I’ll take the first one, though a revamped character would do well to forget the hour time limit she had for power usage, and utilize the wonders of modern technology for her creation and powers. (The Perez version had the better look.)

The Swan can fly, she has enhanced strength, and she has some kind of Canary Cry that really should be modified because Black Canary already exists. She is quite visually exciting, I’ll give her that. Nationality: American.

7. White Magician. First appearance: Wonder Woman Annual #3, second series. The Magician was killed off, but a revamp could start mid-career with him before he’d turned into a demon.

The Magician is a crazy-layered guy, devious and egocentric. He was born in the same generation as Thomas Jefferson, to whom he was a cousin (or possibly cousin-in-law). WM considered himself essential in the founding of the US, and over the years (his magic gave him a lengthened lifespan, though he is not immortal) he has become incensed that immigrants and (gad) women have gained so much power. His perfect USA would be ruled by rich white male landholders. Even better, it would be ruled by HIM.

The really neat thing about WM is that until a little after Wonder Woman came to Mortal’s World, he played the part of a good guy, even being a member of some minor heroic super groups. Most of the public still revere him as a hero, not knowing how deeply entwined he is in Boston’s underworld and who knows what else.

I hate undefined magic, but WM’s magic was fairly focused on his being able to change people into demonic/evil-Terminator-types who would then do his bidding as hirelings. He could also do other minor magics, but this was his specialty. He supplemented his magics by supporting über-technology-based villains. He was a misogynist who kept beautiful women as long as they obeyed and worked for him.

Nationality: American (as in practically a Founding Father).

6. Giganta. First appearance: Wonder Woman (first series) #9.

The modern Giganta is yet another doctor in Wondie’s rogue gallery. Diana attracts the elite, you know, but we’ll give Giganta credit for not going by the name “Dr. Giganta.” Her shtick is that she can grow to giant size. Efforts have been made to put her in modern uniforms, but let’s face it, the ol’ animal print is a classic. Let’s just assume she wears something under that skirt. Please.

Every hero needs a goofy villain. Giganta is Wondie’s. It took Phil J. (sorry; not trying to name-drop) to remind me of this. And of course, Giganta is quite the spectacular figure moving across the comic book page. As the temporary partner of another villain, she can even accomplish some serious sh… I mean, stuff. And when she was romancing Ryan (Atom) Choi and seemingly trying to go straight, she was hilarious.

Nationality: Darned if I know what Dr. Zeul is. The name is Prussian. She’s probably American, or maybe that’s just the nationality of the body she ended up with. Hm. Brain: Russian; body: American? Mexican? Canadian?

5. [Dr.] Cyber. First appearance: Wonder Woman (first series) #179. No, I don’t mean the “I want to steal Wonder Woman’s face” Dr. Cyber with the metal mask! We already have the Silver Swan with the hangup about her looks. A serious feminist villain doesn’t have self-image problems.

No, the original Cyber (there are too many doctors in the rogues gallery, so let’s lose Cyber’s title as part of her villain name, though she can keep the degree[s]) was created at the height of the James Bond craze, and she’s the ultimate James Bond-type villain. Entirely human, she heads a worldwide, underground organization whose sole goal is to get Cyber more money. And likely the power that goes with it. She is the hidden force behind conspiracies and is spoken about in whispers, only coming into the open on rare occasion. Most who have heard the whispers assume she’s a man.

Cyber is stylish, smooth and very likely British, as most Bond villains are. Her organization has historically been depicted as primarily female, but I hate homogeneous groups (BO-ring!), so if we bring her back in her proper form, she should be an equal-opportunity employer.

Her top lieutenant or at least an important underling, is Lu Shan, the Chinese daughter of Diana’s one-time partner, Lu (I Ching) Shu-Shang. It never hurts to have a family connection to the hero!

4. The creepy Dr. Psycho’s first appearance was in Wonder Woman (first series) #5. A premier example of a misogynist, he has too often been depicted as merely a criminal hypnotist. But no, in addition to his telepathic, illusion-casting, mind-raping hypnotism, he is evil incarnate. He hates women and will use them in any way he can.

Even so, he doesn’t mind—doesn’t mind at all—using men in his schemes as well.

Psycho’s one scary-looking guy. Add his madness to the mix, and you have a prime supervillain.

Nationality? I always “hear” him with a spooky but exotic accent. Let’s see… Brazil or thereabouts? Let’s spread the villain wealth around the world!

3. Circe. It’s hard to believe, but Circe first appeared in WW in issue #37 of the first series. We usually think of the version that first appeared in issue #18 of the second series (Perez run).

Many fans have been upset that Circe has been cast as a villain. Certainly when I was growing up, Circe was a good guy who occasionally appeared in Superman family comics. (It was she who was involved in the origin of Comet the Super-Horse.) If you want an crazy-evil witch from classical Greek myths, Medea is your gal.

But we’ve been given Circe. (To DC’s credit, for a while her fate/soul was tangled with Medea’s.) I hate undefined magic and Circe is one of the slew of undefined magic users that darken various comic universes. However, in mythology and often in comics, Circe had a specialty: she turned people into animals. If she keeps to that gimmick and only relies on other magic in limited (may I hope for defined?) ways, she makes a fearsome adversary.

Add in Loebs’ storyline in which Circe double-crossed herself in hopes of becoming Ares’ wife/partner and wound up befriending Diana, and you’ve got a complex character to play with!

Circe’s Hellenic.

2. The chaotic [Dr. again!] Cheetah. First appearance: WW #6, first series. Cheetah has appeared in three different major variations. (We won’t count He-Cheetah who only appeared in a couple issues.) First she was Priscilla Rich, who suffered from split personality. This is a favorite of quite a few Wondiacs. (May I coin that term? All right, we’ll forget it.) After her death in the Bronze Age, the Kobra organization brainwashed her niece Debbie Domaine into becoming the new Cheetah. Neither had any powers. What, you send someone without powers to go mano a mano against Wondie? Not on my watch!

Nope, the best Cheetah was Dr. Barbara Minerva (an unfortunate last name), a rather horrible British (South African?) archaeologist (so many archaeologists in the WW mythos! We should give some of them new specialities, like Barbara should have been an anthropologist or historian) who willingly enslaved herself to the madness and power of Urtzkartaga (I usually call him “Urtsy-Wurtsy” because I can never remember the name), an African god, in order to achieve immortality. After periodic blood offerings she becomes a were-cheetah, a super-strong, demonic, claw-wielding killing force worthy to oppose Wonder Woman.

She’s a great one for the visual medium of comics. Her appearance, unless she’s wearing a sleek modern costume, is striking, and her methods are brutal. She was often accompanied by her minion, the West African (Which country? Were we ever told?) priest Chuma. He’s dead now but could be brought back for new adventures. You know how comics are.

If I were to revamp the character for use in a modern series, I'd change her name to Dr. Barbara Domaine.

1. Ares. He was there almost from the first; definitely from the first issue of Wonder Woman, though after his introduction he went by the name of Mars for a long time. Aphrodite championed Wondie to fight a world at war, personified by Ares.

Consider this: Wonder Woman’s theme is positive empowerment. Ares stands at the opposite of that. He wants the world enslaved. To whom? It doesn’t matter, so long as there’s discord, violence and misery. They will be enslaved to his power.

Writers have a tendency to portray comic book gods as high-level super-types who utilize undefined magic. But think again about WHY humanity created gods. They were to explain the unexplainable and provide logic to an illogical world. Gods personified forces of nature.

Thus picture Ares as War itself: sometimes calculating and logical, but usually unbridled fury. Hatred, jealousy, murderousness, cruelty in their raw forms. Give him a little classicism and have him able (sometimes) to operate in a human way in that he holds war as an honorable calling. He knows his energy is dark, and he glories in it.

He is a GOD, a personification of the violence of the human psyche, and therefore he should not be able to descend to true human realms and form without extreme effort. (See: Ares Buchanan.) So he has to whisper his temptations to humans in their dreams, or he utilizes unique minions to carry out his orders. (See: Duke of Deception, Deimos, original Silver Swan, etc.) He can set up circumstances to bring discord and hatred into the world, and when it arrives his presence can boil the very heavens with his exultation. You want to compare him to Darkseid? Heck, it’s Ares who gives Darkseid his ideas! Ares is the one who gains the most from Darkseid’s triumphs.

Ares’ threats can come from any direction and through any medium. He’s a tremendous foe who can only be beaten back temporarily.

There you have it: A rogues gallery that is ten strong and contains a wide variety of powerful villains who are interesting both in character and visuals—perfect for comics!

Don’t let anyone say again that Wonder Woman doesn’t have a great rogues gallery!

Wondering why some of your favorites aren't on this list? Here's your answer.

Hey, folks, I just republished a book this week: Applesauce and Moonbeams.
It's soft sci fi:

After a hit man blasts telepathic psychiatrist David Lumen’s mind into the body of a pampered kitty on its way home to the moon, David’s desperate plan to make himself whole again is hampered by his new feline life. The only person close enough to communicate with is struggling avant-garde artist, Pippin Applegate.

Together they spot David’s body walking around... with the hit man’s mind inside. Can David regain his true body when it’s leaving a trail of chaos and murder that leads to Pippin’s make-or-break art show?

I'd appreciate it if you checked it out, maybe even wrote an honest review for it. Thanks!

Has it been twenty years already?

IMAGINE VIDEO HERE 

Oh heck, first it embedded the video and then it didn't. I give up. Go to this link and view it, okay?

That's Hillsborough, NC mayor Tom Stevens on the left, and PHE, Inc. founder/chairman (I think his new title is since he recently stepped down from being president) Phil Harvey on the right, cutting the ribbon to the new warehouse for Adam & Eve.

That's right, the nation's premier adult product retailer. This made it official: we added 30,000 square feet to our existing 40,000-or-so square-foot warehouse.

Business is good.

We're one of Orange County's largest employers, with 300 employees. That doesn't include the people employed at our franchises located around the country.

Me? I've been with the company for oh, 31 1/2 years or so. (My supervisor's always asking me, "When are you going to retire?" Don't know what to make of that.) (And it only feels like it's been 10 years or so.)

When I was out of work so many years ago, desperate for ANYTHING, I started at a small warehouse-plus-offices building located to the west of Carrboro, NC. Previously the company had been in downtown Chapel Hill (which is attached to Carrboro like a Siamese twin). The office I worked in had windows that faced brick, a sign of the company already expanding, for that office had once been on an outer wall.

Eventually that building got crowded. How crowded? You had to dodge cardboard box mountains in the halls. They kicked us in Marketing and another department out and we moved to an ancient warehouse in Hillsborough that required a lot of fixing up before we arrived.

In those days I lived just past the northeast edge of Hillsborough, and every morning I drove past a lovely little farm. That farm was sold, and offices began to be built on the land. I told my supervisor that  it might be a good spot for us to move to, since we were looking.

Sure enough, the company bought that lot. (My supervisor snapped at me later that they'd already decided on the lot before I brought it up. That was kind of strange since she acted like she'd never heard of it when I talked to her.) Almost twenty years ago the new building opened there. How handy to have work so close when Hurricane Fran hit! Our office park, which also contains a nursing home and hospice (and vet and Sportsplex and wine company and chainsaw company and ambulance group and really, really rotten dentist, a school, a senior center…) was one of the first places to get electricity back. I recharged my laptop daily at my desk, and it was one of my primary ways of lighting my house for a week. Working in a semi-functioning office was also preferable to hanging around in a powerless house.

But eventually I moved while PHE stayed where it was. The office part is three stories high, and offices/departments are always being shifted around. Don't know why. Seems to me that would get expensive after a while. The warehouse is two stories. Someone said that five million orders go out of there each year, or maybe the new warehouse will be able to handle another five million or something, but a whole lot of orders are processed in our warehouse!

So thanks out there, for ordering from us. You've allowed me to pay for housing, a couple cars, groceries, etc. Hillsborough has not (as the opponents to our moving there warned) put up billboards proclaiming it the Sex Capital of the South. In 2005 PHE, Inc. was awarded "Business of the Year" by the Hillsborough Chamber of Commerce.

We've survived numerous court cases and raids (yes, I've been in a raid!), and are one of the few corporations that have taken on the United States of America in court and WON. (Which reminds me: I still haven't read Phil's book about his view of the events.)

Quite a few years ago (more like well over a decade) a co-worker and I were both beginning our first writing endeavors. We promised each other that our lead characters would work at Adam & Eve. Next month Stalemate, volume 3 of the superhero series "Three Worlds," will be coming out, and a sequence in it has one of our heroes touring a company that his darling bride works for. It looks suspiciously like an amalgam of Adam & Eve of about twenty years ago and the one of today. I think it's a pretty funny set of scenes. And the situation will come into play on a more serious level if, I mean when I publish Whore of the Worlds, which is volume… Oh, I don't know. Eight-ish.

So thanks, Adam & Eve and all your cousin companies, for supporting me all these years. Long may you wave! I'll try not to think about the fact that tomorrow I'll be ordering scores of vibrators again. (Y'see, along with my regular duties I also check our email campaigns, which involves tracking an order—usually a vibrator—through the ordering process to make sure there are no slip-ups. I live in fear of actually ordering one instead of hitting the "edit my order" button at the very end and then canceling. Good thing I'm using someone else's name.)

Next week: An exciting Wonder Woman column! With actual pictures! And I'll be announcing the re-release of Applesauce and Moonbeams! (Whew, finally!)